I have been doing some real soul searching lately. I guess I have Ella Claire to thank for giving me a little push in the right direction. It is something that has become more and more important to me since becoming a parent. I have started running recently and that time with myself (and my God) has allowed me to really focus and take a look at my life. Here are a few of my thoughts.

One thing that has been weighing heavy on my heart is how I treat others. I don't consider myself a mean person, but I have been asking myself DO I REALLY TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WANT TO BE TREATED? It is of the utmost importance to me for Ella Claire to have a model of how to treat others. (regardless of how they treat her) I happen to be pretty shy, especially at first and have been very insecure of myself at times. I tend to hold on to feelings of anger, hurt, resentment and get my feelings hurt pretty easily. When someone has wronged me, talked about me or hurt me....Well, it's been just plain hard to forget. However, that is not what I want Ella to see and emulate. My Grandad has always told us "to have friends, you must be a friend." I really hope that Ella Claire learns how to be a good friend and how to treat others (even strangers) from me and Bryan.

Have you ever wondered why Jesus called us to be like little children? They forgive others so easily. They don't care if someone has the same kind of crayons that they do. They don't care about the kind of house they live in or kind of car they ride in to Grandma's house. They don't care if little Johnny down the street wants the same kind of toy. They don't care if their clothes come from Wal-Mart or are name brands. WE teach our children to feel these things are important (maybe because they are too important to us)! I pray Ella Claire finds her worth in Christ Jesus and knows therefore that she is priceless.

I am currently reading a book on self esteem which has also provoked some reflective thought on my part. It's about helping children build self esteem. In my line of work I see so many children with poor self esteem. This, I believe, is the root for so many other problems. What amazes me is....we learn how to feel about ourselves and others at such an early age. Adults, but especially parents, need to be careful about everything we say to and in front of our children. I know Ella can't repeat things that she hears Bryan and I say (YET), but she can pick up on our tone of voice and emotions. I am constantly amazed at the things that Breelyn says and to the depth of how she understands such serious topics at almost 3 years old. Kids are so much smarter than we give them credit.

I remember discovering the word sex in the 2nd grade. I attended a Christian school and looked up the word with some friends in the encyclopedia. (THE 2ND GRADE-and I consider myself to have led a pretty sheltered life.) I was curious about it after hearing it that first time. So when my mom and I left school, I was very proud to tell her I could spell the number 6. (S-E-X) LOL As a child I was begging my mom to address this important subject by bringing up the new word the only way I knew how.

We, as adults, also inflict such a feeling of jealousy in our children. We start at a young age instilling in them that they have to have and be the best (and to OUT DO EVERYONE). It seems now that it starts even before the 1st birthday party. We decide that our kids must have the most toys and the nicest clothes (which they can't possibly be a kid in and actually play because they might get them dirty) and then we teach them to feel this way also.

I also want Ella Claire to know it's NEVER okay to lie. Not about where she's been, who she's been with, what she ate for lunch.....not about anything. Our children hear us talk so much and they pay attention even when we think they aren't. So, when we aren't honest sometimes our kids are the only ones that know. Lying by omission is another issue all in of itself. Kids watch their parents lie day after day for years. Then, wonder why they lie so much when they are older.

Don't get me wrong. I want the best for Ella Claire. I want a life full of everything she will ever hope for, but more than that I want her to be kind to others and honest no matter the cost. I started this blog because I hope to make a book from it and share with Ella Claire one day all the joy that she has brought us. I have wanted to document all her little milestones in a fun way, but also years from now be able to give her a glimpse into my heart.

Dear Lord, Please help me teach Ella Claire, by example, the kind of woman that you would have her be. Please create a clean heart within me, help me watch my tongue, be kinder to others, as well as, be a better friend. Help me train my daughter in a way that she shall not depart from. I understand my responsibility as a mother and need your help daily. Amen